Friday, December 30, 2011

Finally, the end of 2011 - My reflections

Hi guys,

Well here it is, the last Friday of 2011.  Where did the time go?  For some reason, this year went by really fast and not that I'm complaining or anything, it just went by fast.   The other night, when I couldn't sleep again, I was thinking about what went on during 2011 and I'm amazed at how much stuff went on.  For example:

January - We got a crap load of snow.  Not weird by Wisconsin standards, but none the less, we got snow.

Feb - I had to enroll Nichole ONE LAST TIME FOR HER SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. sigh..where did that time go??

March - Nathan turned 14 and Sam turned 11.  Again, where did those cute babies I brought home from the hospital go??  They are growing up so damn fast.  And yes Nathan towers over me now and Sam is not that far behind him... 

April, May and June - Can't remember much of those months.  I"m almost certain that things happened, but cannot remember for the life of me..

July - Renewed Nichole's temporary driving permit ONE LAST TIME!!   Found an old friend and became friends again after about 20 years of not seeing each other.  Best part of the year in my book!!! 

August - Paid for those High School fees for Nichole one last time and had her Senior Pictures taken. 

September - coming to grips and the reality that my marriage is over and starting the paperwork process to officially end it.   Nichole gets her driver's license on the first try (barely..haa haa)

October - Nichole turns 18!!!  I filed paperwork with the court system to end my marriage. 

November - Not much happening here.. 

December - No one in the house wants to celebrate Christmas due to all the personal issues going on. So we don't. No biggie in my book.  There will always be next year.

I do hope that 2012 brings better news for me and my kids.  I'll let you guys in on the journey as we take it. For those of you who still read this blog, I thank you so much.  It means a lot to me. 

Wishing you all a great start to the New Year.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve 2011

So, I know I posted a downer of a blog post the other day and if you took offense to it, I'm sorry.  It's just not been a good year for me (both personally and financially).

Now, I know you guys in the South are used to having NO snow for Christmas but for us, up here, not so much.  Occasionally we will have the odd year where there is NO snow for Christmas and this is one of them.

So while we are supposed to have this stuff on the ground in December........we have this.......

Well, ok - maybe we don't have green grass but you get the general idea.  And yes, I saw a rabbit this morning.  Some of my plants (that should be dormant this time of year) are starting to peek out from the ground. 

Weird huh???  Yeah, I thought so too..

To those who read this blog, I do hope you have a nice holiday season.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Christmas time huh?

So I've been seeing Christmas this and Christmas that since the middle of October.  And frankly I'm sick of seeing it.  This has been a very long and hellish year for me and my kids and I just want the new year to start already.

Christmas had always been my favorite holiday (besides Halloween esp. for the candy). My dad would go and get the fake tree from the attic space in the house one day and slowly over the next week or so, a Christmas tree would magically appear.  My parents and I would put up the ornaments and remember where we got them or who gave them (usually to me), etc.  I always got to open the Christmas cards that would show up in the mail, etc.  One year, my now 18 year old daughter, put the fake candy garland in her mouth.  It was funny...

I even got married right before Christmas, why? not sure..but I did. We kept on forgetting every year because of the holiday so we usually celebrated (if we did at all) in June. Do I recommend people get married RIGHT BEFORE Christmas? NO but it's really up to you.  If I had to do it over again, I would certainly pick a day in June or some NICE month. 

Over the years, babies were born, relatives passed away and so on.  My father-in-law passed away on December 15, 2002. So needless to say, that Christmas was weird.  It seemed like every Christmas season someone in the house was sick and I didn't go to the in-law Christmas. Which was fine, because I always feel out of place there. I don't know why, I just do. 

Then my dad passed away in 2003. Since then I haven't been able to fully enjoy any holiday, especially Christmas.  I don't know why I can't shake this but it is what it is.  This year is beyond strange. I filed for divorce, he's still living here, kids are confused beyond all belief, and I'm basically living in the finished basement (which I should not have to but I do)

Things just don't feel Christmas-y around here....

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Not sure what to do.....

So, I went to my dermatologist the other day due to a skin infection that was not getting better on it's own. It still amazes me that now, after living with this disorder/disease for 40 years it's just within the past 5-10 years or so that these doctors KNOW what I have and the prognosis is still the same....none...sigh.

Anyways,  I get the common lecture of "have you tried this?  or that? and what were the effects of it?" .  But this doctor gave me a little bit of hope that I just might take him up on.

I was on a clinical drug trial for Accutane when I was 9 (yes you read that right) and this drug actually made me worse than I am.  Dry eyes, drier skin, etc.  Not fun.  And I swore that I would never ever go on anything Accutane related ever again.  Dr. Huang at Froedert Hospital made me think otherwise.  The drug Soritaine was brought up to me several years ago by a different doctor and they scared the crap out of me by listing everything conceivable that could go wrong and never really answered MY questions about it.  They were TOO excited to put me on this drug.  Needless to say, not only did I not go on this drug but I found a different doctor all together.  Hate doctors and practices like that.. Hate Hate Hate.

As I've been getting older, I'm finding out that my skin is actually MORE painful as the season change/weather fronts come and go, etc...Now I'm having a hard time doing the simple tasks of writing with a pen, holding on to a cup or glass with one hand (now I have to use both hands), grocery shopping is a joke - I usually have to bring Nathan with me.  Although he doesn't mind helping me, it's the fact that I need the help more often that is freaking me out.

So back to my dilemma.  Soritaine can make it possible for me to move my hands more freely, the gross skin on my feet could be less, etc.  The doctor said we could start on baby amounts and work up rather than starting at a HUGE dosage and trying to taper down to where it's beneficial.  And yes, there would be monthly vistis to the doctor's and lab work (nothing that I've haven't been through before and will go through for the rest of my life).  But the way I am now is the only way I've ever been, it's the only way I know how to do things. How does one go from being a certain way physically for 40 years and then have the possibility of have "nice" skin? How does one function with the"new" skin??  Is it even worth it at my age? I'm in no way saying that 40 is old. nope not at all....that last question was a weird one but it needed to be asked.

If you were me (not that I wish this disease on ANYONE) would you try a drug that could make your life easier or no?


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Climb....

And NO I'm not a Miley Cyrus fan AT ALL.  I was listening to the song on the radio, and the lyrics said something to me.  

It's doesn't matter what is on the other side of all this crap I'm going through - it's about the climb to get there and no matter how many times I may fail, I will get there.  It just takes time.

video from YouTube....

This is my inspirational (pop) song for the moment. Can you say, Kelly has this on replay on her Iphone?? hee hee.


Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday? Again? Venting - ignore if you want,.

So it's Monday.  Frankly I cannot even remember what the heck I did over the damn weekend. Why? you ask.  Well, my weekend went something like this:

1. Weather changes in Wisconsin are horrible, thus.. Kelly lives on pain killers, anti-nausea meds and lots of sleep.

2. Kids are NO help during this time.  I'm lucky if I remind ONE of them to throw a load of towels in the machine.  Nichole was playing video games with her friend online...ALL WEEKEND! So needless to say, I couldn't even catch up with my DVR'd shows.  Sucks..:(

3. Sam was feeling awful again due to the weather changes.  I wish I can make him better, but I can't.  Sucks..:(

And I wonder why I feel awful this time of the year.  It's partly due to the fact that I have a hard time with the holidays and the other part is that THE SUN IS NOT OUT AS MUCH!!!!  If I could afford it, I would live someplace other than here during the winter months.....must. look. into. that.

Sorry for the vent.  I needed someplace to complain to....

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's Fall, I know but.....

 So back in August, when Nichole had her Senior Pictures taken at this fantastic park in Cedarburg right by the lake, I took this picture.  I loved the way the trees looked when I looked up.  It was one of those, "I have to capture this NOW" kinda moments.

 The other picture is obviously Lake Michigan but I like how the walking trail goes right along the bluff.  It was SO pretty ( a tad warmish but who cares).


How I wish it was still warm out and the trees were full of these beautiful leaves.  But nope, it's Fall and the trees barely have any leaves left on them, it's windy and getting colder by the minute here. Yuck!!

Pretty soon the snow will fly and we will be stuck in the house for what seems like FOREVER, because winters in Wisconsin last AT LEAST 6 months or so. I just hope we don't get a huge amount of snow this year.  I'm seriously thinking about moving to someplace warmer than this crap.  I'm SO done with Wisconsin winters.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Nichole - Senior Pics and other stuff....

Hi there,

While I've been NOT blogging a few things have happened in this house.

1.  Nichole turned 18 at the beginning of October.  She also had to order her cap/gown/tassel for graduation in June of 2012.  I cannot believe that I have an 18 year old now.  What happened to the cute little baby that I brought into this world 18 years ago?  If I would have known THEN that I would have raised such a responsible, independent girl, I would have told you that you were NUTS!!  I'm grateful for having her in my life.

2. The above pictures are a few from her Senior Picture shoot back in August.  I think they turned out wonderfully.  Since then, she has cut her hair short again but I'm glad she had the long hair for her pictures.  I cannot thank Ken Chartrau enough for his time and expertise with these pictures. 

There have been other changes in my life but I will not get into that right now.  It's still too raw to talk about.  But I will, eventually.

Enjoy the pictures!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Ecommerce Position

Have you ever wondered how people get ideas for gifts, products to try, etc.? It's usually a recommendation from a tweet, post on Facebook or some other blog that you just might happen to stumble upon.  

Recently, I had to research a product out because the current product I was using stopped working.  Since I read my Twitter feed and Facebook feed on a regular basis, I found a wealth of information there.  The product I was researching out was a new body moisturizer because the current one I was using stopped working AND was discontinued. 

I got some GREAT recommendations for a cream called CeraVe. I had never heard of it but I thought I would give it a try.  Bought it and tried it. Worked beautifully!!! Great advice from those feeds...  I also try to recommend products, services, etc. to others not only because they are asking for suggestions but I found out that the more suggestions you have, the better the result will be.

Why would I be a good choice for this position?  I have experience in researching products before recommending them, I love to try products before recommending them and besides having the opinions of working people, the opinions of a stay at home parent are just as important..

Ecommerce Writer

Sunday, September 25, 2011

My life is boring...

Sorry for the delay in posting, too much crap has been going on and clearly not enough room to post what I want to post.  And to top it off, some of it is too personal and only a chosen few know what in the world is going on with me.  I'm sure in time I will talk about it but for right now I cannot. So with that being said, I thought I would post this:

Clearly I'm still a HUGE Rick Springfield fan despite what other people think.  


Saturday, September 10, 2011

Where were you?

Well, today is the 10th anniversary of the attacks on America.  Do you remember where you were and what you were doing?  I sure do.

I was getting my then 7 year old daughter, Nichole and 4 year old son, Nathan ready for the bus.  We had MSNBC on (like we did every morning nothing unusual) and Sam who was 18 months old at the time was eating cereal of some sort.  Typical day, beautiful outside and I had plans of taking Sam for a walk later in the day.

While I was waiting for the bus to get the 2 older kids, I happened to glance up at the TV just as the 2nd plane hit the World Trade Center.  I was hoping that neither kid saw it (much to my dismay, Nathan had.  That's a whole other topic of discussion for a later time) they got on the bus and off they went.  Hubs went to work and reminded me of something - cannot remember for the life of me and it really doesn't matter.  After everyone left, I sat there in horror at the events that were unfolding on TV.

It took everything I had to just do the daily things that we take for granted every day.  I was thinking about all of my TRUE friends (past and present) and wondering how they were feeling.  I even got an unexpected phone call from my friend Tracie in England wondering how I was doing.  I reassured her that I was NO where near New York and Washington DC and we chatted for a little bit.  Some how we both didn't care how much the call was costing us, we were grateful for our friendship at that moment.

Do I feel safer at this particular time? Not sure.  But I do not take anything for granted any longer.  I've realized friends/family come and go in your life, and even some people from your past (long ago) come back into your life and make it that much more enjoyable.

For those of you who read my blog on any kind of regular basis, I thank you so much.  And for those who know me personally, in real life, you guys mean the world to me.


Saturday, August 27, 2011

How do you know if your "friends" are really FRIENDS???

This stuff has been floating through my head lately and I've decided to write it out and see if it makes any more sense on "paper" or not.

When I was a kid, I had the typical neighborhood friends.  You know the ones who are around after dinner and you could play outside until the street lights came on?  Ahh.. the good old days.. anyways... I had a few of them..a few lived up the street from me, and a few others came around when they were visiting their grandparents. 

Then there was school friends.  The ones you thought you would be friends "forever" and you wrote in each others yearbooks ( BFF with some phone number or Have a GREAT summer, see you next year..) In my case, they were just nice to me.  No one really wanted to be my friend for whatever reason, reasons I couldn't figure out at the time.  

Then there are the friends you "get" when you get married/dating whatever...When you get married you get the spouses' friends (or do you??) and once you have children WATCH OUT!!  There are the "friends" you make because your kids are friends and so on. 

Here I am, almost 40 years old and I've finally realized who my REAL FRIENDS are.  And it's not the so-called best friend I had grade school all the way through high school.  She was just "friends" because she felt sorry for me,  I don't need people like that in my life.  I hate hate hate pity parties...  

REAL friends are those who give you much needed advice, have a shoulder (or a bunch) to cry on when you need it, help you when you ask (or don't) and make your day a lot brighter by calling to say "HI". Those are the friends I need in my life..


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Update - Noodles & Co.

Now, way back on August 10th I posted this and I promptly complained about it. 

It is now the 25th of August and I got NO fricken response from them, SO I called the corporate office.  I explained to them why I was calling and what my complaint was and so on.  He finally found the original email I had sent (it got lost in inbox limbo or something) and along with my complaint sent it up to the corporate offices.

He apologized to NO end and said that this is not how we train our employees, yada yada yada.

I have NO clue what will happen now but I thought I would write a blurb about it and keep those who read my blog updated....

Friday, August 19, 2011

How do you deal with the uncertainty of life?

With full disclosure this maybe a whiny, rambling post.  I just need to get these thoughts out of my head and since this is MY blog, this is where I'm going to do this.  

Earlier in the week, all was well.  Took Nichole to her TMJ appointment and got her all set with her splint for her jaw and hopefully her headaches will stop.  Then we registered her for school.  Some of her classes weren't scheduled (what's up with that??).  I'm not sure what the heck these scheduling people do during the summer regarding scheduling the students classes but I hope that they have this crap straightened out by Sept 1.
What happened to Tuesday...not sure...

Wednesday started like any other day.  I got ready for Hand Therapy at Froedert and reminded Sam that he needed to get up.  Also made a verbal chore list for the kids to do *note to self...never do that,...they don't do anything while I'm gone.*  While at therapy, I get this text from Nichole stating that "Grandma is in the hospital, but she's fine, you need to call her, but she's fine".  With my experience with a sick parent, I'm in the hospital AND I'm fine = NO YOU'RE NOT!!!!!  So I called and then went up to the hospital and talked to her and got some so-so answers from her.  It never dawned on me to actually ASK/TALK to her nurse.  

Thursday again started almost like any other day.  I took Nichole to the Third Ward for some resale shopping  (she didn't find what she was looking for and that's just the way resale shops work), out to lunch, got flowers for my mom, got the things she wanted me to get and on our way to the hospital we went.  Of course, she (Mom) is on the top floor of the damn hospital and I HATE HATE elevators!!!!!!! But I had Nichole with me so it was alright.  We talked with mom for a while and she finally told me that she has Congestive Heart Failure but it's only a symptom of something else that's wrong with her heart.  I'm not entirely sure I believe that but for the time being, I'll buy it.  

I was so damn exhausted (mentally, emotionally and physically) that I needed to take a pain killer and I finally FINALLY slept more than 1/2 hour!!! But I'm still exhausted.  I don't know if I'm just worried to NO fricken end or what...but I don't like this feeling.  I feel helpless, sad, oh I could go on...I'm trying to be upbeat and happy when I'm out of the house but my family (and a couple of REALLY close friends) know differently....

I can't go through this again, I know eventually I'll have to, but please NOT NOW!!!!!

God, Please give me the strength to get through this.  I don't ask for much but please  I need help.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Stuff.....Good things....but just stuff...

Hey there!!

So in an attempt to get Sam some help for his headache and stomach issues, we went to a pediatrician instead of our family doctor.  While we love our family doctor, he was stumped as to why Sam has been suffering for so long with no obvious reasons why.  As I've said before, all his tests have come out absolutely normal.

This doctor was wonderful.  He's a very soft-spoken, understanding man who took the time to actually TALK to Sam (unlike the other insane doctor's who would just ignore him and talk to me....yeah, I'm NOT the patient, Sam is...arugh..) and he (the doctor) came to the conclusion that Sam has migraine headaches but was treated incorrectly.  While the initial medications should have helped Sam, they actually had the opposite effect on him.  Sam and I walked out of the doctor's office relieved, an actual migraine medication for Sam to try and the option of going back to this doctor or our regular doctor. 

Relief is an understatement.  Sam walked out of there happy, giggly, and actually wanting to play outside yesterday.  I asked him if it was because someone FINALLY listened to him and not told him it was all in his head, and he looked at me....smiled...and said "Yes Mom"  I could have cried..And he was happy the rest of the day...It was SO nice to see him happy, giggly, silly again.  You have NO idea how much I've missed that part of Sam. 

One more thing............

When did Nichole decide to become a Senior in High School??  When did she decide to be so damn independent??  While I TOTALLY encourage all my kids to be independent, I'm amazed as to HOW independent she is.  Yes, I totally get that she is almost 18 and all that crap that goes with it.  But over the past week or so, we (husband and I) got a little taste of life will be like when she is no longer in the house.  It was incredibly weird..I'm so used to all the silliness that Nichole brings and all the yelling at the TV downstairs while they (Sam and Nichole) are playing video was unusually quiet..  So weird...

I officially registered my first child for High School for the last time.  Strange feeling to say the least.  Yes, I know I have 2 other kids to get through the school system BUT when it's your first child - it's weird.  We go and have her Senior pictures taken this weekend and that will also be weird.  Something that I will have to get used to and FAST!!!

Hope you all have a great Summer day!!


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ticked off beyond belief.....

I should be used to this crap by now but today it hurt more for some reason.

I went to the Target in Brookfield because 1. It's clean, and 2) it's clean.......Did I mention the Target was clean?? I also bought a rice cooker/veggie steamer on recommendation from a friend.  And it was on SALE!!! YIPPEE... I digress..........

So after that I went to Noodles and Co for lunch.  While I was sitting there, eating my lunch and realizing I had this new found freedom of sorts - I hear people next to me and behind me, talking about me.  WTF??  They were complaining to the staff at Noodles that my presence there was unappetizing because I was peeling.  Okay....I can't help it.....I was born this sorry....don't look at me....:(

So I was rushed through my lunch and told that the next time I decide to come into that place, I need to wear a sweatshirt or long-sleeves.  Ummm... HELL NO!!!  I down right refuse!!!  I have every right known to man to be in that place and having lunch.  I paid for the lunch, so I should be allowed to enjoy it at a table THERE!!!!!!    I also told the people behind me and next to me that they were rude/annoying/obnoxious and so on.  I also asked them if their parents brought them up to be do damn rude. 

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.  I am incredibly aware of what I look like and how others look at me.  I've been this way for almost 40 years now and this skin disorder is not going away anytime soon, SO GET OVER IT PEOPLE!!!!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Random Crap......

Hi there!!!

It's been a while since I blogged about the random stuff that's been floating around in my head.  Put the post about Children's Hospital aside, it's been a very frustrating few months.  Ready?  This maybe a long post, hang on...

Sam is still not feeling well.  In fact, I had to cancel ALL his appointments for today because he's so sick.  I wish, pray, hope that we find out what the hell is going on with him.  He needs to be a kid again!! I need him to be a kid again!!  He's my lovey, my buddy and it hurts me to see him like this ALL THE TIME!! I'm one sad mommy.

Nathan has to go to the High School to be tested to see where he places for certain classes.  Since we homeschooled him last year (well, it was really unschooling him but I digress) he didn't get the opportunity to sign up for classes like all the other 8th graders did.  I think his biggest hurdle will be Math (it's a running thing with me and the kids...husband? not so much..) But we will see in a few weeks....A Freshman....where the hell did the time go?? This kid TOWERS over me, I think he's close to 6 feet tall.  Does it surprise me? NO, considering his dad is 6 foot 3 inches...anyways..

Nichole is working the State Fair this year again.  It's tiring work but it's money for her to save up and buy a car or clothes or maybe college...who knows, but for right now, she's not bored... That makes me very happy!!  In a couple of weeks we go and have her Senior pictures taken. A Senior?? My only daughter will be 18 in a few short months.  I think we did a good job raising her, giving her the values that we want her to have but in the same respect, give her the opportunity to speak her mind and to be a valuable part of the world we live in.

I mended some fences with a person from my past.  This is a good thing.  It had to be done, I'm glad we talked things out.  I hope and pray that this new found friendship last for a very long time.  And no, it's not the person who treated me like crap since Kindergarten and thinks she's all that and a bag of chips...It's a completely different person. So all is good...:)

I'm also a Podcast Junkie.  If you have Itunes or actually just search for podcasts in any search engine, you will find some good ones.  The ones I've found are:

 Dads are More Fun   This is one DAMN funny podcast.  I know it's meant for Dad's but still, it's so funny.  Bill Glass (e-surance commercials) and Justin Worsham (second funniest podcast) are too funny.  They give a great look at what Dad's go through when they have kids.  It's funny...

Naptime Radio This is yet another funny as all get out podcast.  It's Heather and Kate, who both have a set of twins and Kate as 2 additional kids.  I so can relate to all of what they are going through (not the twins part) and it's funny, because I get it.  Totally get it! Add the Biz Buzz and Nodelman's News Quiz and you got a great podcast.

Manic Mommies This is was one of my very first podcasts that I ever listened to.  It's funny and it shows how working mom's have the same damn struggles that the stay-at-home moms/dads have.  I wish I could go on the Manic Mommies Escape but funds are just not there. 

As you can tell, these are parent-related podcasts and I enjoy them.  There are more but this post is getting long.

I'm not being paid to comment on these podcasts, these are my opinions and they are truthful.  I do hope you give them a listen....


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My experience at Children's Hospital ER

Let me preface this by saying that this is MY experience with MY child and if you had a wonderful experience, I'm happy for you.  But please realize this was, what I thought, my only way of getting my son seen by someone who would know something about his headaches.

Late last week, Sam's headaches were increasing in pain, his stomach was even MORE unsettled and I noticed that he wasn't eating a whole lot.  Maybe he had a virus or something and I just put it out of my mind for a bit.  Then I noticed he wasn't making trips to the bathroom a whole lot.  Then it dawned on me to ask Sam how much has he been drinking.

Me: Sam how much water/milk/juice have you had today?
Sam: Not much, maybe one or two of the red cups (Red cups are those sippy cups without the top; they hold roughly 7 ounces and that's it. So if he drank maybe 2 of these that equals to 14 ounces of liquid!)

Me: How often are you going to the bathroom?
Sam: When I get up....
Me: and.........
Sam: that's it.

THAT'S IT??? Are you kidding me??  So here I am, frantically emailing my buddy Nikki (who seems to know all things medical!!! Love her!) who told me to basically go and get him checked out. Off we went.

We get there, check Sam in, I fill out paperwork (when don't I???) and we wait for Sam's name to be called. We are called back fairly quickly and they get Sam a hospital gown to put on.  The nurse comes in ONCE to tell us her name and leaves...umm... okay.... Then the 3rd year resident comes in and asks a boat load of questions to which I answer them. They did a pee check and some bloodwork. Sam is such a trooper!!! While we were waiting for results, we played Angry Birds on my NookColor.  Sam had a great time with that.

The "real" doctor comes in and tells that:
A. He's completely hydrated -  (REALLY??? on only roughly 20 ounces of fluid A DAY?? - I wasn't born yesterday here people I know you need MORE than that, COME ON NOW!!)

B. His labs are complete normal - (I knew this was going to happen because all of his labs ALWAYS come up normal!!)

C. Sometimes there is NO reason WHY people get headaches, people just live with them - (OK, while I totally understand that some people get migraines and nausea that goes with it, those usually break and they get relief. Sam has had this god-damned headache for 18 months now people, he shouldn't HAVE to JUST live with it. So, please explain to me "doctor who knows nothing about my kid" why are you passing the buck here to YET another doctor, who, BTW, will run these insane tests AGAIN and tell me that there is nothing wrong with him??)

D. The doctor tells me that I'm not COMPLIANT with his medications - Again, "doctor who doesn't live in my house" I have been compliant with his medications, Sam gives me a running tally of how he's feeling and has asked BOTH times to take him off the medications (with the GP knowing about it) - So telling me that I'm not compliant is plain and utter BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep in mind, while she is "scolding" me, she keeps telling me that she has some procedure that she needs to go and do.  Then WHY come in when you did and "scold" me like you did??  I totally don't get that. She was rude, treated me like I knew absolutely nothing about how the medical field works and that they knew more than I did about MY child's health.

So we were released with the names of YET 2 additional neurologist that I should "seriously look into because they are experts in their field" - umm.... okay..we will see how much MORE my insurance will ACTUALLY pay before doing this.  Mean while they gave ME NO answers on how to treat Sam, how to get him to drink more water or to eat something (anything at this point..he's losing weight here people!) But told me to come back to the ER "if he doesn't pee for MORE than 24 hours" - that doesn't make sense either...but I'm JUST a MOM and I know NOTHING, remember??

I'm wondering if Sam would have gotten a better outcome if the husband came with me??   Just wondering.......

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Going to the dentist..

Happy day after the 4th of July!!!

Have you gone to the dentist lately?  My kids have and even the hubs has but me??  Not so much.

I have this FREAKY FEAR of the dentist.  I'm not sure why but I do.  I also have to be pre-medicated BEFORE the appointment so that is also part of the reason.  Another part is that, as a kid, I had TONS of fillings put in my teeth, you know those silver kind?? Lovely huh? 

As a kid, I was put on SO much penicillin that it made my baby teeth discolored (in a HUGE way as well) and the dentist at the time, was worried that my permanent teeth would be damaged as well.  Much to their surprise and my parents, that wasn't the case.  The permanent teeth came in white and straight and such. I just have this one pesky wisdom tooth that sometimes comes up and then it goes back into the gum.  It's really stupid if you ask me. 

So today I'm going here and hopefully they will be gentle and nice to me.  N (daughter) had her teeth cleaned and checked over and had a good experience, so I made an appointment.  They even have a GAME ROOM!! Now what dentist's office do you know that has a game room?? 

Did I mention I hate going to the dentist??


Saturday, July 2, 2011

Blurbing away....

Hi there,

Well it's July2, 2011 and I just spent the day laying around, watching a crap-load of DVR'd things and just realized it's 4:30p.m. I'm not sure why I did absolutely nothing, but it felt good for a change.  I'm having to learn the hard way to pace myself and have a "To-Do" list and keep on writing down what needs to be done and such.

The two older kids are at Summerfest with their Aunt so they are out of my hair.  Hubs is doing something political today (not sure what but he's out of the house as well) and that leaves me and S home alone to veg out. S. had a rough night last night.  He was overheating and really didn't sleep well, so he decided not to go to Summerfest , and I basically feel like crud (surprised?? you really shouldn't be..)  

Since I cannot put pics of my kids up any longer, thought you would enjoy a picture of my Maine Coon cat Lisa. Cute huh?


Thursday, June 30, 2011

Everyday Family Traditions

Today on Social Mom's site there was this writing prompt and it goes something like this:

 What are your everyday family traditions? -    What everyday 'traditions' do you have to make your family life special - do you eat dinner together? Go out to breakfast on weekends? Have a goodbye ritual every morning?

In our house we don't have "traditions" per say, we have things we do on an everyday basis but I wouldn't call them "traditions".  For instance,

My youngest child like to be woken up by me and only me, so having his older brother wake him up..not a good idea.  He (youngest child) likes the gentle hug I give him to wake him and remind him that it's time to wake up for the day.  The other kids, well...they are older and really don't want me waking them up so I invested in alarm clocks for them.

Another thing that I do with my youngest child is a nose kiss.  He doesn't like the traditional kiss on the cheek goodnight, but he will give me a nose-kiss and a hug.  And we do that when he leaves for school, and at night when he goes to sleep.

I guess the only thing that is a common thing (and it's slowly leaving because youngest child is getting older) is the watching of Invader Zim at night together.  He will watch Lord of the Rings with his dad, but he leaves Invader Zim for me.  Sweet huh?

What are YOUR traditions?

What would you do...

Ok, Here's the backstory:

I "used" to have a childhood "friend" who I thought I could trust though out my life.  We both graduated from high school (although a year apart when we are the same age...she failed a grade in middle school) and went on with our lives.

I got married, had my kids, moved an absurd amount of times. While she got married, went through a divorce, and decided that I wasn't "worthy" of being her friend any longer. Why? Who the hell knows. This person "claims" it was because I wasn't there for her while she was going through her divorce...ummm yeah, reason: bedrest with 3rd child!!!! Any whoo....I now have these nagging questions that I would love to be answered. Like, were you ever my friend or were you my friend because you felt sorry for me and so on.  

What would you do....would you email said person or just drop it?  I'm inclined to just drop it and be left wondering.



Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What to do...

What do you do when your children DEMAND that you stop posting pictures of them on your blog?

Correct answer is:

You stop!!! My children are at the ages where they don't want their pictures taken much (much to my dismay) and they certainly don't want them on MOM'S blog!  I totally understand their need for privacy and will respect their requests.  Sam has told me that I can put 1 picture of him up and that is on his birthday.  Nichole and Nathan both have asked not to be put on the blog any longer as far as pictures go. Got it!!

So with that being said, you will probably get more pictures of my cats, maybe my parents when they were younger, certainly pictures of the beautiful roses that are growing in my front yard (I'll spare you the pictures of the absurd amount of weeds..)

The reason for this blog post is because I've run into a few mommy-blogs that really don't respect their child's wishes about being on a blog.  I, personally, think there is a age limit where the pictures go from "aww..what a cute baby" to "Mom, please don't put my face on your blog any more." and in this house, we have reached that age.

Hopefully I will still be able to put interesting information/stories about my family/life/whatever on the blog and hopefully you will still come back and read. hint hint :)

Have a GREAT summer day!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Please send good thoughts.....

As you all know, my son, Sam, has been battling headaches, nausea and back and leg pain for over 18 months now.  We went back to the doctor yesterday because something in my "mommy gut" told me that there is something VERY wrong with my child.  The doctor looked him over, decided that some blood work is in order.  He is checking Sam's Vitamin D level, Sed Rate and Red Blood Cell Count. I also need to get some decent food into him as he is starting to lose weight and he should be gaining weight at this point.

I'm scared, worried, overly-concerned about him obviously.  If you can, please pray/send good thoughts/ whatever you choose to him. We both could use them.  Once I find out the results, I'll post something about it.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Things I love about Summer.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I do complain a lot about the summer's here in Wisconsin.  Sometimes they are incredibly hot and humid and others are fairly cool.  As of today, it's really cool temps for June. So much so that my daughter, Nichole is complaining and thinking it's almost time to get ready to go back to school. 

These are the things I love about Summer Break:

- sleeping in
- no bag lunches to make
- open windows to let the warm air in
- cats in the windows sleeping
- freshly cut lawn
- grilling
- my roses that are starting to bloom :)
- NO snow to shovel
- taking a walk outside
- listening to kids play

There are more but I cannot remember them for the life of me.  

I hope you all have a great summer day!!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Things that I'm grateful for..

Sunday (June 12, 2011) was an interesting day.  It started out like any other Sunday, for instance:
 I wake up before everyone else.
 Have a cup of coffee
 The boys roll out of bed, looking for food/drink
 The daughter finally rolls out of bed around 10 a.m.(texting her friends until god knows when)
 Finally the hubs gets out of bed and gets ready to go to work.  He had to "catch up"  on work.
 Hubs reminds me that the front yard needs mowing and to remind middle kid to mow it.

Seems simple enough, right??

Well......Nathan (said middle kid) mows the front yard and puts the lawn mower away. No biggie.
Comes in the house and he looks pale, breathing incredibly hard and almost passes out. He also asked me to take him to Urgent Care.  Well, I thought differently. There was NO way I was going to get him to Urgent Care before he passes out, SO I call 911 (have you ever done that?? I never did.  It's scary to say the least.) and tell them that Nathan is in the middle of an asthma attack. Then, off in the distance, I hear sirens.  

The fire truck, police car and an ambulance came to the house.  Neighbors I haven't seen ALL winter long come out of the woodwork.  They start to treat Nathan, give him a breathing treatment, load him on the ambulance and off he went to the hospital.  I had Nichole call the hubs at work to get him home, get dressed in record time and zoom to the hospital.  

I check in with the Emergency Room receptionist and get Nathan all set up in their computers (because you know this isn't going to be cheap by any means) and FINALLY go back and see my kid.  He looked much better, he was breathing better but he had the jitters from the medication given during the breathing treatment in the ambulance. After about 4 hours in the ER, we were finally given the OK to go home.  He's doing fine now, he needs to been by our family doctor this week and we realize how grateful we are for the help of the North Shore EMT's, St. Mary's Hospital in Mequon. This whole experience could have been SO much worse and I'm grateful it's not.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Random Thoughts

I know I haven't posted much as of late, (except the little video of Grace Ashton...check it out!)but I've had some random things floating through my head lately....I really don't know where this post is going so please bear with me.

1. Sending positive thoughts to those in the tornado ravaged south.  
2.  Why do boys fight all the time?  And it's over stupid little things like: who gets the downstairs computer, who gets the TV to actually watch TV rather than playing some insane game on XBox 360.  You know, crap like that.

3.  Why is it so hard for my wonderful children to load the dishwasher properly?? Really now....We've only been in this house 8 years and you STILL don't know how to load that stupid machine?? Ugh!

4. Why are there more bills than money lately??

5. How many MORE times am I going to visit the stupid Urgent Care by my house?? I'm telling you, if they tell me one. more. time. that I have a skin issue, I'll SCREAM!!  I know that you dumb people.

6. Every time I make time for ME, some one needs some thing.  WHY WHY WHY????

7. At this point in the debt struggles, I'm not sure who the heck to pay first AFTER necessities.  Thank GOD that the stupid car will be paid off in a couple of months.

8. And when in the hell is it going to warm up here??  I mean really, it's the end of May and it's 52 degrees out. I still have the stupid heat on in the house.  sigh...........

Alright, that's enough of the brain-dump for now.


Monday, May 23, 2011

Grace Ashton. All The Things You Never Say

Okay, I've been known to go on YouTube and link-hop, no biggie everyone does it when they are bored. So, one day I was looking for something completely different and stumbled across this young lady named Grace Ashton. Her voice is beautiful and the song, while quite simple in it's lyrics, has a message that every young/older teen needs to hear.

It wasn't until I actually viewed this video a couple of bazillion times, that I noticed it was filmed at Abbey Road ( Live in Studio 2). How do I know this?? Besides reading the comments on YouTube, I watched the show called "Live from Abbey Road". It was on a channel (I believe Sundance Channel in my neck of the woods) and it was on for about a year maybe a little longer. It was an idea that a producer/session musician/fantastic drummer in his own right, Peter Van Hooke came up with (I believe, could be wrong here...) It showcased various artists, in the studio, performing their current or upcoming releases. It was a fantastic show. I wish it was still on, but it's not. So sad.

I felt like putting this video up because...well.....I can (it's my blog/journal if you will) and I just LOVE LOVE this song.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Weird turn of events..

So, a lot has been happening with me lately.  For instance:

- I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis
- Had an allergic reaction to the RA medication first Rheumy doc put me on
- Did the huge "big peel" AGAIN
- Decided that I needed a 2nd opinion regarding the RA diagnosis
- Had oral thrush 4 times
- countless steroid shots and pills
- A bunch of labs and X-rays
- Gained a BUNCH of weight - that needs to come off  NOW!
- My hair started to fall out

So, with that being said.  I made the appointment for the 2nd opinion with a new Rheumy doctor at Froedert Hospital.  I'm so glad I did.  She said that I didn't have RA but I was hyper-sensitive because of what my skin was doing. Recommended seeing the "super-duper" Dermatologist there and once I'm off the steroids, if I have swelling, pain in the joints, etc. I'm to make an appointment with the new Rheumy and she will re-examine me at that time.  But she truly thinks that all the swelling and pain I've been in is due to my skin. Lovely....

Did I mention that Prednisone is a EVIL drug? While it's a good drug, it's EVIL!!  I totally gained a ton of weight with this stupid drug and now I have to get the weight off.  I feel out of sorts with my weight the way it is.  Now that I'm totally off the steroids, I feel better, I'm not eating every 2-3 hours, and not waking up every 2 hours all night long.  What a relief!!  I was getting so frickin' sick of this.  

We ( my family) have been through way too much since November 2010 and I'm so glad to see it slowly come to an end.  Things are starting to get back to normal (whatever that is) and I'm able to function again like a REAL human being.  What a concept!!

I've also noticed that while I'm getting better, Spring has sprung. My tulips are coming up and blooming, the grass is getting green, kids are playing outside, and the sun is out longer at night.  

See there is a bright side to things.  I wouldn't have believed you several months ago, but I do now!


Friday, April 8, 2011

Eric Whitacre - Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir 2.0, 'Sleep'

My husband, Chris, decided that he wanted to participate in this adventure.  So after listening to him practice and record and repeat a bunch of times, this is the outcome. He's in the upper left hand "bubble" right in the beginning.

So pretty.  I'm so happy he decided to do this.


Sunday, April 3, 2011

Since when.....

Is having an opinion or a question about something a crime??

Lately, I stupidly asked the question on the 10-14 year old board on Ivillage: "I've noticed that..." In short, the question was about these women who have children in that age group, participating in SO many after school activities.  I got some nice remarks and then a couple of these women told me that "It's none of my business why my kid does this or that." 

Okay.......well then, it was JUST a question.  I didn't mean anything by it, wasn't comparing my children to yours, etc.  I just don't understand why people get all bent out of shape when someone asks a question.  Isn't that the way we learn??

I also posted a "I wish" thread on the same board.  See, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis on 3-21 (my dad's birthday..just had to point that out) and was feeling a little lot sorry for myself.  With everything else that has been going on with Sam, Nathan and myself, this just added insult to injury.

So, after I posted what I wanted to say, there were these women who kept on harping on the fact that my RA is treatable (no duh..), that I can still lead a very productive life (umm.. I KNEW that!) and that I should just shut up and "get over it" (okay...ummmm...yeah right, let it soak in for a bit first will ya?) Needless to say, the thread got deleted because of my vent I put up there and everyone was jumping on my case.

I learned a valuable lesson here. Do not, under any circumstances, post your opinions or ask for some support on IVillage. Yes, I have a friend on there but it's just not worth it.

I have opinions and I like to voice them.  I was given that right when I was born.  Please don't take that away from me. 

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Happy Birthday Sam!!


Today is the day, 11 years ago, I was BEGGING my doctor to "take him OUT!!" I was so uncomfortable and big. Little did I know that at 10:37 p.m. I would give birth to my last child. Sam is 11 today. I cannot believe that 11 years have gone by. Here are a few highlights: - Sam is in 5th grade - He loves his big sister to death - plays insane amount of video games (we call him a "gamer" but he hate that) - loves pizza goldfish - loves riding his bike - loves playing with the 2 Siamese cats we have, and believe it or not, the cats tolerate it. LOL - loves playing in the snow (as we have none at present, he's content riding his scooter and bike) - likes going to Aunt Jill and Uncle Tom's farm house in Door County Happy Birthday Lovey!!!!! As funny as you are, we are so glad to have you in our lives. Love Mom

Monday, March 21, 2011

Happy Birthday Dad!!

Obviously this is an old old picture of me and my parents. But this is the only picture I have scanned into the computer at the moment.

Today would have been my Dad's 78th birthday. I miss him so much!!!!!

So, today I celebrate my Dad's birthday with much love.


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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Random happenings at home!

This is what typically happens on any given night in the Otto household.

Sam playing with the massive amount of Legos in the basement.
Birthday boy with his latest gift. An Xbox 360 gaming system.

Look!! Nichole is being a teenager!!

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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Know what today is??

Today is Nathan's 14th Birthday!!
I cannot believe that he's taller than me but not quite as tall as his dad. He's into computers and how they work. Loves to listen to all kinds of music (as long as it's not MOM'S music LOL). He's very curious about things and how they work. When asked, he goes above and beyond what is expected of him. When I'm sick, he makes sure I've got things to eat and drink and reminds me to take my medicine when I'm supposed to. He doesn't have to do that, but with a heart like he has, he does.

Nathan is a smart, kind, loving, curious child. I'm so glad that he's part of my life. I'm so incredibly proud of him.

Happy Birthday Buddy!!
Love you,

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Friday, March 11, 2011

Now I don't know what to think..

I get this form letter in the mail today from the Rheumatologist and it basically says that all my blood work came back NORMAL. WTF??  Then why in the hell do I feel so bad?? I had an almost pain-free week and I must have done too much because when I woke up this morning..........BLAM!!!  Pain shooting from the joints, skin, dry eyes, etc. Now what in the heck do I do??  I KNOW for a FACT this isn't in my head.  This is REAL pain I'm experiencing and people just don't understand, which makes me incredibly mad!!

All of Sam's blood work came back NORMAL. Now what?? He's still has this headache and stomach issues and something just doesn't seem right.  I don't know what it is, but my "mommy gut" tells me there is something wrong.  So NOW we go for an EEG and to the Pain Clinic at the end of the month.  I'm SO frustrated it's not funny.

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel a bit better.
Please say good thoughts for the people in Japan who are dealing with this horrible natural disaster.

Have a good one.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

40 years ago today

My parents were married. 

Even though my dad has passed away, I can see in my mom's eyes how much she loved him.

So today, March 3, I still celebrate their marriage and hope mine last just as long.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad..............

And now......

we wait.  We wait for the blood work to come back and the results from the MRI on my wrists.  I'm hoping that this will give me some much needed information as to what is making me so sick all the time.  Even though I'm sick to death about going to doctors, I need to know what's going on with me and then we can deal with it.

We also have to wait for all the blood work results for Sam as well.  They are testing him for all sorts of things.  I just hope that we get some answers for him as well.

It's been one LONG 15 months or so.  We need some normalcy back in our lives.  Sam needs to go outside and ride his bike and play just like the other kids do.  I know he's frustrated as well as am I.  We need answers.


now we wait.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Long time ago

in a far away place.... just kidding!!

Here are my kids. This picture was taken in the front yard of our previous home. Sam was about 18 months old and he will be 11 in a month, so you can tell how long ago this was taken. Nichole hasn't had hair that long since....well.. it's a long time :)

Yes it's fall in the picture but the sun is out and the grass is green!!! grass....I know it will come someday, hopefully soon!!
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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Snow Snow Everywhere!!

As you can clearly see, we got a bunch of snow lately. First it all melted, then we got dumped with this!! It looks pretty at first and now it's just a pain in the tush. I want Spring.

Enjoy the pictures!
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Friday, February 4, 2011

Depression SUCKS!

Now before I even start talking about this, I want you to know a couple of things.
1. I have been on every medication known to man and most of them don't work.
2. I have a supportive family.
3. I'm open about my depression with people esp. my kids.

Now with that being said.  It has been a rough time here.  I've been constantly sick since November 4 or 5th with celluitis (a skin infection), been on numerous rounds of steriods, antibiotics, pain killers, anti-nausea medication.  Throw a trip to the Emergency Room and that's been my life.  Not to mention that Sam is sick (and has been consistantly for almost a year now), Nathan is having trouble with school and kids being nasty to him, finances ( I need to say more??).

It's no wonder I'm slipping into this depressive funk.  The sun doesn't help, I need more than one night of "good" sleep, not sure if my depression medication is working because I'm so tired, frustrated, miserable.  I've lost interest in things that used to bring be joy and have a hard time getting my thoughts together to explain to people what is going on with me.

I have people ask me "what do you have to be depressed about?" It's not that at all and it's not that simple.  I used to have this thing under control for a long time and now it's time I say, "Please Help ME!"

I need help with everyday things. The kids don't help like they should or they give me excuses why they don't "have" to and it's my job to get them done. Sucks.  I, repeatedly, ask husband to do ONE simple thing (and that is to change cat litter boxes so I don't get re-infected again) and it doesn't get done.  The older kids won't do it.."'s yucky" is what I get. OH and forget about laundry.  That is hopeless. Middle child doesn't even want to learn to sort laundry let alone do it.  He does get the stuff out of the dryer and bring up the baskets (IF I remind him!)

I'm tired, overwhelmed, sacred, frustrated and so on.  People just don't get it.  Depression can suck the life out of you, yet I do all this crap around the house and everyone else does nothing. I just don't get it.

There is one thing though that I know I can look forward to just about everynight.  It's my Siamese buddy Leo, who comes up on my bed and snuggles with me. And somehow things seem better just by him being there.  

My buddy Leo. Cute huh??