Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Not sure what to do.....

So, I went to my dermatologist the other day due to a skin infection that was not getting better on it's own. It still amazes me that now, after living with this disorder/disease for 40 years it's just within the past 5-10 years or so that these doctors KNOW what I have and the prognosis is still the same....none...sigh.

Anyways,  I get the common lecture of "have you tried this?  or that? and what were the effects of it?" .  But this doctor gave me a little bit of hope that I just might take him up on.

I was on a clinical drug trial for Accutane when I was 9 (yes you read that right) and this drug actually made me worse than I am.  Dry eyes, drier skin, etc.  Not fun.  And I swore that I would never ever go on anything Accutane related ever again.  Dr. Huang at Froedert Hospital made me think otherwise.  The drug Soritaine was brought up to me several years ago by a different doctor and they scared the crap out of me by listing everything conceivable that could go wrong and never really answered MY questions about it.  They were TOO excited to put me on this drug.  Needless to say, not only did I not go on this drug but I found a different doctor all together.  Hate doctors and practices like that.. Hate Hate Hate.

As I've been getting older, I'm finding out that my skin is actually MORE painful as the season change/weather fronts come and go, etc...Now I'm having a hard time doing the simple tasks of writing with a pen, holding on to a cup or glass with one hand (now I have to use both hands), grocery shopping is a joke - I usually have to bring Nathan with me.  Although he doesn't mind helping me, it's the fact that I need the help more often that is freaking me out.

So back to my dilemma.  Soritaine can make it possible for me to move my hands more freely, the gross skin on my feet could be less, etc.  The doctor said we could start on baby amounts and work up rather than starting at a HUGE dosage and trying to taper down to where it's beneficial.  And yes, there would be monthly vistis to the doctor's and lab work (nothing that I've haven't been through before and will go through for the rest of my life).  But the way I am now is the only way I've ever been, it's the only way I know how to do things. How does one go from being a certain way physically for 40 years and then have the possibility of have "nice" skin? How does one function with the"new" skin??  Is it even worth it at my age? I'm in no way saying that 40 is old. nope not at all....that last question was a weird one but it needed to be asked.

If you were me (not that I wish this disease on ANYONE) would you try a drug that could make your life easier or no?


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Climb....

And NO I'm not a Miley Cyrus fan AT ALL.  I was listening to the song on the radio, and the lyrics said something to me.  

It's doesn't matter what is on the other side of all this crap I'm going through - it's about the climb to get there and no matter how many times I may fail, I will get there.  It just takes time.

video from YouTube....

This is my inspirational (pop) song for the moment. Can you say, Kelly has this on replay on her Iphone?? hee hee.


Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday? Again? Venting - ignore if you want,.

So it's Monday.  Frankly I cannot even remember what the heck I did over the damn weekend. Why? you ask.  Well, my weekend went something like this:

1. Weather changes in Wisconsin are horrible, thus.. Kelly lives on pain killers, anti-nausea meds and lots of sleep.

2. Kids are NO help during this time.  I'm lucky if I remind ONE of them to throw a load of towels in the machine.  Nichole was playing video games with her friend online...ALL WEEKEND! So needless to say, I couldn't even catch up with my DVR'd shows.  Sucks..:(

3. Sam was feeling awful again due to the weather changes.  I wish I can make him better, but I can't.  Sucks..:(

And I wonder why I feel awful this time of the year.  It's partly due to the fact that I have a hard time with the holidays and the other part is that THE SUN IS NOT OUT AS MUCH!!!!  If I could afford it, I would live someplace other than here during the winter months.....must. look. into. that.

Sorry for the vent.  I needed someplace to complain to....

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's Fall, I know but.....

 So back in August, when Nichole had her Senior Pictures taken at this fantastic park in Cedarburg right by the lake, I took this picture.  I loved the way the trees looked when I looked up.  It was one of those, "I have to capture this NOW" kinda moments.

 The other picture is obviously Lake Michigan but I like how the walking trail goes right along the bluff.  It was SO pretty ( a tad warmish but who cares).


How I wish it was still warm out and the trees were full of these beautiful leaves.  But nope, it's Fall and the trees barely have any leaves left on them, it's windy and getting colder by the minute here. Yuck!!

Pretty soon the snow will fly and we will be stuck in the house for what seems like FOREVER, because winters in Wisconsin last AT LEAST 6 months or so. I just hope we don't get a huge amount of snow this year.  I'm seriously thinking about moving to someplace warmer than this crap.  I'm SO done with Wisconsin winters.