Friday, February 4, 2011

Depression SUCKS!

Now before I even start talking about this, I want you to know a couple of things.
1. I have been on every medication known to man and most of them don't work.
2. I have a supportive family.
3. I'm open about my depression with people esp. my kids.

Now with that being said.  It has been a rough time here.  I've been constantly sick since November 4 or 5th with celluitis (a skin infection), been on numerous rounds of steriods, antibiotics, pain killers, anti-nausea medication.  Throw a trip to the Emergency Room and that's been my life.  Not to mention that Sam is sick (and has been consistantly for almost a year now), Nathan is having trouble with school and kids being nasty to him, finances ( I need to say more??).

It's no wonder I'm slipping into this depressive funk.  The sun doesn't help, I need more than one night of "good" sleep, not sure if my depression medication is working because I'm so tired, frustrated, miserable.  I've lost interest in things that used to bring be joy and have a hard time getting my thoughts together to explain to people what is going on with me.

I have people ask me "what do you have to be depressed about?" It's not that at all and it's not that simple.  I used to have this thing under control for a long time and now it's time I say, "Please Help ME!"

I need help with everyday things. The kids don't help like they should or they give me excuses why they don't "have" to and it's my job to get them done. Sucks.  I, repeatedly, ask husband to do ONE simple thing (and that is to change cat litter boxes so I don't get re-infected again) and it doesn't get done.  The older kids won't do it.."'s yucky" is what I get. OH and forget about laundry.  That is hopeless. Middle child doesn't even want to learn to sort laundry let alone do it.  He does get the stuff out of the dryer and bring up the baskets (IF I remind him!)

I'm tired, overwhelmed, sacred, frustrated and so on.  People just don't get it.  Depression can suck the life out of you, yet I do all this crap around the house and everyone else does nothing. I just don't get it.

There is one thing though that I know I can look forward to just about everynight.  It's my Siamese buddy Leo, who comes up on my bed and snuggles with me. And somehow things seem better just by him being there.  

My buddy Leo. Cute huh??                                                                                                                                                              


Danielle said...

I totally get where you're coming from. I work from home and do 99 percent of the household responsibilities. My boyfriend has an 11-year-old daughter from a previous marriage that we get every day after school for a few hours and every other weekend. I feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed a lot of the time. It's a lot to handle, especially when you feel like you have no help. If you ever want to e-mail me to vent, feel free. I hope you are able to feel somewhat better soon.

GoldenAngelsWorks said...

I am sorry you are going through so much.

Here is a little advice to try to help take some of the stress off of you and put it where it belongs.

No I will not be upset if you do not take the advice but I wanted to at least give it.

***Here is step one of saying take care of yourself you are old enough to do this. They have to be responsible sometime and now is that time.

Hun your kids are the age of mine.

I do not do their laundry. Neither should you.

Show them if they need to be shown how to work the washer and dryer.
You can show them to separate their clothes once, but after that it is their job. (do not jump in and try to help or show them a second time)

You are to let them know that their laundry is now their job.

If they want clean clothes, they are to wash them.

If they say I do not have underwear for example.
Then you reply well you did not wash any so go find some that will work for today and you can wash more when you get home from school.

Believe me I have had more than one time that they said that. Do not let them get you washing their clothes.

That is the first step of not having to do everything. I am still learning what to make them do and let them do it.

LOL my 17yr old daughter is sitting here reading over my shoulder saying "That is right"!

It may feel impossible at first but YOU CAN DO IT!

I miss not talking to you… You can call me if you want to you know…

blueladie said...

Fur babies are the best and most reliable. Did you know that the purring sound has healing powers? Snuggle away. Aw Kelly, I wish I had magic powers. If anyone needs help or a miracle, it's you. Love, hugs & prayers - Cathryn

Heidi said...

Just came across your blog! This is so true, I have only felt true depression one time in my life and it is debilitating. Thank you for sharing!