Long time ago

in a far away place.... just kidding!!

Here are my kids. This picture was taken in the front yard of our previous home. Sam was about 18 months old and he will be 11 in a month, so you can tell how long ago this was taken. Nichole hasn't had hair that long since....well.. it's a long time :)

Yes it's fall in the picture but the sun is out and the grass is green!!! Ahhhh.....green grass....I know it will come someday, hopefully soon!!

Snow Snow Everywhere!!

As you can clearly see, we got a bunch of snow lately. First it all melted, then we got dumped with this!! It looks pretty at first and now it's just a pain in the tush. I want Spring.

Enjoy the pictures!
Kelly

Depression SUCKS!

Now before I even start talking about this, I want you to know a couple of things.
1. I have been on every medication known to man and most of them don't work.
2. I have a supportive family.
3. I'm open about my depression with people esp. my kids.


Now with that being said.  It has been a rough time here.  I've been constantly sick since November 4 or 5th with celluitis (a skin infection), been on numerous rounds of steriods, antibiotics, pain killers, anti-nausea medication.  Throw a trip to the Emergency Room and that's been my life.  Not to mention that Sam is sick (and has been consistantly for almost a year now), Nathan is having trouble with school and kids being nasty to him, finances (well..do I need to say more??).


It's no wonder I'm slipping into this depressive funk.  The sun doesn't help, I need more than one night of "good" sleep, not sure if my depression medication is working because I'm so tired, frustrated, miserable.  I've lost interest in things that used to bring be joy and have a hard time getting my thoughts together to explain to people what is going on with me.


I have people ask me "what do you have to be depressed about?" It's not that at all and it's not that simple.  I used to have this thing under control for a long time and now it's time I say, "Please Help ME!"


I need help with everyday things. The kids don't help like they should or they give me excuses why they don't "have" to and it's my job to get them done. Sucks.  I, repeatedly, ask husband to do ONE simple thing (and that is to change cat litter boxes so I don't get re-infected again) and it doesn't get done.  The older kids won't do it.."ewww..it's yucky" is what I get. OH and forget about laundry.  That is hopeless. Middle child doesn't even want to learn to sort laundry let alone do it.  He does get the stuff out of the dryer and bring up the baskets (IF I remind him!)


I'm tired, overwhelmed, sacred, frustrated and so on.  People just don't get it.  Depression can suck the life out of you, yet I do all this crap around the house and everyone else does nothing. I just don't get it.

There is one thing though that I know I can look forward to just about everynight.  It's my Siamese buddy Leo, who comes up on my bed and snuggles with me. And somehow things seem better just by him being there.  

My buddy Leo. Cute huh??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MTV rant - sort of - well maybe

Ok, I'm feeling somewhat human again and while I was sick (in bed and on pain killers) I've made some strange observations.  Like:

- Why is there a show on MTV called "Teen Mom 2"???  Wasn't "16 and Pregnant" enough of a reality check??  Do these kids REALLY think that Motherhood is all that and then some?? Please.  Enough of it already.

- Now, also on MTV, there is a show called "True Life" (or something to that effect).  I get the reasoning for it but do we really need to see people shoving food into their mouths and then complain that they cannot loose weight?? Yes, I was watching "I'm addicted to food" episode.  Why oh why do we have shows like this... I will never understand.

-Jersey Shore..... Need I say more??  And WHY on EARTH does this "Snookie" person have a book out?? Please shed some light on this.

- Remember when MTV actually PLAYED VIDEOS??? The good 'ole days, I tell ya.  And VH1 used to play Soft Rock videos...ahhh I miss those days.

On a related but different topic -

-Did you know that the music that I listened to in the 80's is now considered CLASSIC ROCK??? Am I THAT old already??  I remember when the Classic Rock station played, you know, Led Zepplin and that kind of stuff.  Since when is Duran Duran or INXS Classic Rock??  I hate to think of what my daughter will think of Classic Rock in 20 years or so.  Sigh....

I''ve made some other observations but I'll save those for a different post in the future.

Kelly

Will it ever end??

I know it seems like all I've been doing is complaining about this and that, I'm sorry about that.  But those are the things that weigh heavily on my mind lately.

I'm sick again.  I'm on another round of antibiotics, pain killers and steroids.  I'm exhausted, frustrated, annoyed, confused all rolled up in one emotion.  The doctor is testing me for arthritis because some of the other symptoms I've been having don't agree with the skin infection diagnosis.  So I had a round of blood work and X-rays done and should know the outcome when I go back for a follow up in Feb. I'm in constant pain and I don't get any help around here.  I'm frustrated with my family and they just seem that everything will be taken care of regardless of how I'm feeling.  That sucks!!

There are other things going on, especially with Sam.  They (the school) thinks it's in Sam's best interest to repeat the 5th grade in the fall and we concentrate on his health from now until then.  Sam's sad about that, but DH and I think it's for the best.  We are also going to take him to the Headache Clinic at Children's Hospital as soon as the referral goes through.  I didn't know there was so much red tape to go through JUST to get an appointment. Geeze..

I thought I would update and hopefully I'll have some better news next time I post.

Kelly

One of those days........

Where it started out fine, I was feeling fine. The boys were getting along (go figure) and the daughter went back to school (she had a long weekend due to exams.)

I got a phone call from the District Nurse asking me, for the bazillion time, how is Sam? Sam is the same, we go to the doctor tomorrow and we will see where we go from there. She (the stupid nurse) thinks that Sam is depressed. He's not, trust me, he's not. I'm not sure what to do for him at the moment, thus the doctor appointment tomorrow.

Then I got an unexpected phone call from my cousin, Carol in Minnesota. We chatted for about an hour about her family and mine and what has been going on within our families and so on. It was so nice to talk to her. Will have to visit sometime.

Now I feel like crap. I think I have, yet another, skin infection. I'm grouchy, crabby, tired and so on. I think I need to make a doctor's appointment for me tomorrow morning. UGH!! I am not happy (even though I should be because the Packers are going to the Superbowl...had to plug that in somewhere..)

There is more family drama that I just don't want to be a part of. It just seems like my Dad's side of the family is strange, weird, dysfunctional?? . I dunno.. I just don't want to be a part of that drama. I have enough going on here as it is.

On the UP side, DH told me that there is a bunch of work coming into the company he works for and he should be REALLY busy soon. At least that's a positive thing. Looking for the BRIGHT side of things.

I'm going to run and take some Advil and crawl into bed.
Hugs
Kelly

I am...

I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately (I think it's good to do that from time to time.) and I've come to the conclusion that I am a lot of things to a lot of different people. So with that being said, here is my list:

I am:

- a daughter

- a best friend

- a sister

- a wife

- a mom (which I thought I would never be)

- an aunt

- an advid reader (thanks to my husband)

- a lover of photography

- a blogger

- a mom to a chronically ill child

- an internet-crazy person (lol)

- chronically ill myself

- an obessessed fan of crime and mysteries on TV

- a coffee person (love it love it love it)

- a cat person ( not a crazy cat lady as my husband would call me ;) )

I'm sure there is more, but I cannot remember the entire list as I was drifting off to sleep when I came up with the list.