How do you deal with the uncertainty of life?

With full disclosure this maybe a whiny, rambling post.  I just need to get these thoughts out of my head and since this is MY blog, this is where I'm going to do this.  

Earlier in the week, all was well.  Took Nichole to her TMJ appointment and got her all set with her splint for her jaw and hopefully her headaches will stop.  Then we registered her for school.  Some of her classes weren't scheduled (what's up with that??).  I'm not sure what the heck these scheduling people do during the summer regarding scheduling the students classes but I hope that they have this crap straightened out by Sept 1.
What happened to Tuesday...not sure...

Wednesday started like any other day.  I got ready for Hand Therapy at Froedert and reminded Sam that he needed to get up.  Also made a verbal chore list for the kids to do *note to self...never do that,...they don't do anything while I'm gone.*  While at therapy, I get this text from Nichole stating that "Grandma is in the hospital, but she's fine, you need to call her, but she's fine".  With my experience with a sick parent, I'm in the hospital AND I'm fine = NO YOU'RE NOT!!!!!  So I called and then went up to the hospital and talked to her and got some so-so answers from her.  It never dawned on me to actually ASK/TALK to her nurse.  

Thursday again started almost like any other day.  I took Nichole to the Third Ward for some resale shopping  (she didn't find what she was looking for and that's just the way resale shops work), out to lunch, got flowers for my mom, got the things she wanted me to get and on our way to the hospital we went.  Of course, she (Mom) is on the top floor of the damn hospital and I HATE HATE elevators!!!!!!! But I had Nichole with me so it was alright.  We talked with mom for a while and she finally told me that she has Congestive Heart Failure but it's only a symptom of something else that's wrong with her heart.  I'm not entirely sure I believe that but for the time being, I'll buy it.  


I was so damn exhausted (mentally, emotionally and physically) that I needed to take a pain killer and I finally FINALLY slept more than 1/2 hour!!! But I'm still exhausted.  I don't know if I'm just worried to NO fricken end or what...but I don't like this feeling.  I feel helpless, sad, oh I could go on...I'm trying to be upbeat and happy when I'm out of the house but my family (and a couple of REALLY close friends) know differently....


I can't go through this again, I know eventually I'll have to, but please NOT NOW!!!!!


God, Please give me the strength to get through this.  I don't ask for much but please  I need help.