Thursday, September 30, 2010

Me? Perfect??

I was reading on a couple of other blogs tonight about being perfect. I so can relate to those people who have written about it. This thing we call parenthood is difficult and I so wish someone had a manual to give out when you have children, it would make it so much easier.

I have my doubts about a lot of things. Like am I a good wife?? Am I doing the right thing by my children?? Is Sam going to get better? Why doesn't that damn pile of laundry go away EVER?? I could go on and on and get the picture.

I really don't have any friends that I can confide in. I have a hard time making friends, I don't know why but I do. And the friends I do have seem to think that I'm all put together and have the best of things. I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just know how to hide things and I hide them well.

We all have problems with this and that and I get that. I just want someone to listen to me and not judge me or make the problems I have seem less than what they really are. It's hard to talk about these things with my husband because he has his own stressors and I don't want to make him miserable. Plus the things that are bothering me, they are bothering him too and neither one of us know how to fix it at the moment.

I wish someone could come to my house and clean it, do the laundry (and I mean ALL of it) and make dinner. But the reality of it is, it's up to me. I know I'm not perfect and sometimes I feel like I have to keep up with the Jones' but again reality sets in and I know I fail miserably.

There are things that I can do or in control of and those are the 3 kids I brought into this world and to me, they are perfect. I can love my husband to no end and to me that's perfect and I know (even though he doesn't say it much) that he loves me and that's perfect.

Everything else will just have to be the way it is until I can get around to it.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Random Thoughts

Here it is, almost 4 pm in Wisconsin and my mind is wandering. So the following are things that are floating in my head and stressing me out (what else is new right??)

-waiting for primary doctor to call back and advise me what to do about Sam and school
-not knowing why Sam is getting migraines
-how far behind is he really?
-hoping the online mortgage payment goes through tonight
-wondering why DH doesn't want to go to the pediatric neurologist appointment with me
-wondering if I'm homeschooling Nathan properly, I feel that I am, but again it's early in the year
-when is bedtime for me?
-why is the Advil I took for the stress headache not working?
-is Sam ever going to get better?
-is the dishwasher ever going to get emptied?
-am I ever going to catch up on laundry?
-why am I not more organized?
-where is "me" time or is that an impossible dream?
- crap, I forgot about dinner. Take out pizza it is
-Nichole is mad at me because Sam took sick days this week.
-does DH even care about my concerns anymore?

I need a vacation or some answers pretty damn quick. I cannot take this much longer, I'm going to burst.