Things I have learned in the past year -

Over the past year, I have been through hell and back and I think there has been a little time for me to look back and realize a few things.

The last few years I was "friends" with someone who I thought was a friend. Sadly, his true colors emerged and he was nothing like the person I once knew. His wife contacted me almost 3 1/2 years ago. Yes, you read that correctly - HIS WIFE. What wife does that? What wife contacts a woman who her husband once had a romantic relationship with? I would never EVER contact my significant other's past anything because if he wanted to contact them - he can do it. 

Over those years, I saw things I didn't think were actually possible. I heard things spewing from his mouth that I didn't think men actually said to his children let alone his wife.  The lies he told to me were unreal, the bullshit coming from his mouth about things in general were nonsense, the drama he causes was (fill in the blank). 

So the things I've learned are as follows:

1. I deserve SO much more than he can ever give me. 

2. I deserve NOT to be verbally abused.

3. I deserve NOT to be emotionally abused in any way.

4. I'm NOT the plague. And yes, I will hold this over his head until the day I die. He promised he would never make fun of me - well he did. Liar.

5. Last time I checked, hitting your kids or your wife (which I witnessed both) were not in the bible and God does NOT condone. So please knock that shit off.

6. My children (who are not his) don't need to hear this crap from your mouth. 

7. His wife and him can lie in court and get away with it. He threatened my life as well as my kids and he got off with NOTHING. While I have to deal with that in my head. Nice huh?

8. I'm much better off with out you or your wife in my life. I feel sorry for your children and grand baby as they will have to deal with the consequences of your actions for the rest of their lives. If you think they don't...YOU'RE WRONG.

9. If your gut tells you it's wrong. It is wrong.

10. If you feel authorities should be involved, involve them. The WORST thing they can say is that nothing happened or in their case...they can lie to the authorities.  

11. Once a cheater and an abuser....always an cheater and an abuser. Nothing in this world will change my mind. 

In the end, I will not contact them anymore...they aren't worth my time, energy or anything. I would rather have one or two people I can truly talk to than people who talk bullshit behind my back. That's not a friendship of any kind.  Plus NO MAN is worth any kind of abuse.  If he can't keep it in his pants - he will never keep it in his pants, if the words hurt you - he knows it and will continue to do so. Please don't tell me that mental illness caused him to do this. No, not an excuse. 

WOW it's been a LONG time since I posted anything on here.

Hi there!! Lots of things have happened in my life but I'll get into that another time. There has been something on my mind and I have no place to "vent" this out. So why not here.... here we go........... Over the years I've had friends (who are no longer friends) tell me that I don't know "How to be a friend" and they get "rid" of me as a friend. I don't get that. NOW, I have a family member tell me that I don't know "what family means or how to be part of a family". Interesting....I don't understand that either. I value friendships like nothing else in this world because I don't have many friends and I'm not entirely sure why either. If it's my skin..get over it. I've had this skin thing for 42 years now and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. If it's because I speak my mind... well, I was given a brain shouldn't I use it? I hate being the one who should sit in a corner and behave and not say a word. And if I'm wrong about something, I fully admit it and learn from it. I'm not that way. As far as family goes, to me, it goes something like this: You have your family you were born into and the people you let into your life who mean the world to you. In my case, I have my mom (who I love dearly), my dad (who is up in heaven among the stars), my kids and aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Then there are a few people who I call family even though they are not blood related. My best friend in the world Ray and his family - they have seen me go through a ton of crap in the last 12-18 months or so and I couldn't have gotten through it without them. My buddies Lisa, Dawn and Tracie - love them!!!! Enough said. I'm not happy with a certain family member treating me like I'm 2 and telling me that when I decide to apologize maybe, just maybe, she'll let me in her life again. I'm sorry, family just doesn't do that. Kelly

Miscellaneous Stuff

Here it is September 1 and I'm REALLY behind on my blog once again. I'm sorry.  Too many things are happening again.

1. I turned 41 at the end of August.
2. Sam is getting ready to go back to school but in a completely different district.
3. Went on vacation and had a fabulous time.

Then my life got turned upside down.

My mom had a moderate stroke on August 27th.  She was in this coma-like state for about 2 days. I'm still not sure she completely knows who I am but she smiles when I walk in the room and I'll take it.  I'll take anything at this point.

It's very scary to say the least. Decisions have to be made and I'm the one to make them for her. She cannot speak and most of the time she will answer "yes" to anything.  She also has to relearn how to swallow again. Found out yesterday that she still loves her sugar cookies. 

I do have a support system for myself and mom but right now I'm exhausted to no end.  Simple things around the house take forever and a day to complete.  But I have to be strong for mom and my kids.  

It's been a LONG week and it's going to be a long road ahead of us for quite sometime. Prognosis? Still too early to tell. Will she ever be able to go back to her own house again? Not sure. I hate the unknown it bothers me.

Hi guys,


Well it's almost the end of June and a bunch of things have happened lately. 


First, Nichole graduated High School a few weeks ago.  She's beyond happy to be done with High School and frankly, I am too.  It still amazes me that I have gotten my first child through all 12 years of school plus the fact she's an adult (in age alone mind you. LOL).  Right now she is enjoying babysitting the neighbor kids while she is looking for a job.

There she is, all grown up (sort of speak). She cannot wait to get on with her life (as she says, not me by any means).


While the above was happening, I was also trying to take care of my mom who has been in and out of the hospital about 6 times since January.  She had some heart issues that have been taken care of (hopefully for good) and she is also an insulin-dependent diabetic.  My dad was as well so I know what is in store for her. 


Other than that, not much has been going on. I've driving a ton lately just going back and forth to my mom's and I'm really thinking hard about moving closer to her. Homeschooling the boys has ended for the most part for the summer. Sam is partially enrolled in a normal school for the fall and he's excited about it. He will try once again to see if he can tolerate the regular school setting, if not, it's back to homeschooling him once again.


Gotta run..
Kelly

Mourning.....

Hi guys!


Now if you know me, either in real life or via this blog, you will know that I LOVE LOVE The Bee Gees.  I was incredibly sad when Andy passed away back in the late 80's, almost devastated when Maurice passed away (I was just coming off a couple of personal losses at the time and little did I know what was in store for me in the coming months of 2003) and now Robin has passed away.  


I get that these music icons do pass away but seriously at 62?? Cancer is rude and cruel. So in my usual way, I'm going to stick a YouTube video of MY favorite Bee Gee song.  Enjoy!

Hopefully I will begin to blog more again. Tons of stuff happening lately. 


Hugs,
Kelly

I'm Back....

So it's the middle of April and Easter has come and gone. Not that I celebrate Easter or anything but it is what it is.

Where have I been?

I've been here, busy, but here.  Let's see - the anniversary of my father's passing has come and gone and I got through it for the first time without tears. Yeah me!  And now that Spring Break is officially over for my kids, it's back to Nichole trying to get through the last 6-8 week of school. Then it's her graduation from High School.  Back to me homeschooling the boys. Keeping an eye on my mom.  Getting the last little details in place so my divorce can be final soon. Saving money left and right so I can move when I'm told to by the court. Lots and lots of other little things that seem to take up a huge amount of my time lately.

In the middle of this, I found (well, Nathan did..ahem..) a cute YouTube video. It's called Simon's Cat. Wanna see? I know you do....

Now, anyone with more than one cat can relate.  It describes my house perfectly when we brought Sheba home almost 2 years ago.  I love this!!!

Can we also mourn the loss of Davy Jones?  (insert moment of silence)

Ok, now The Monkees were HUGE in the 60's (I wasn't even a thought. hmm..) and then they came back in the 80's (high school time for me). I even went to a concert at the Marcus Amplitheater way back when.  I don't have pictures of it available. But I can stick a YouTube video in for fun.  

The ending credits....fun stuff back then.....

I hope to be back to posting soon.  I also hope my life settles down a little bit more so I can blog.

Talk to you soon

Kelly

General stuff...

So February is almost over.  Valentines Day has come and gone (not that I'm a huge believer in this holiday but still).  Kids for the most part are healthy.  Nichole is wishing that graduation would get here already. Me? Not so much, that just means she's going to leave the nest and I'm not so sure I'm ready for that one.  Mixed emotions to say the least.

We all know that Whitney Houston passed away.  I'm sad about that for the sole reason that she had a beautiful voice.  I could care LESS about her addictions, problems with her ex, etc. It's her voice that I will miss.  My whole high school years were basically based on her voice and songs.  Not that I want to go back to high school (nope - never again) but those songs were the soundtrack of those years.  

While I was digging around on YouTube - I came across this song:

 So as I go through this crappy divorce and get my life back in order - this song has been a great help.  Am I getting sappy for these kinds of songs? Maybe. But they help me. And right now I'll take any and all help I can get.


I hope to get back to blogging on a regular basis soon.  It helps me sort out emotions and junk like that.  


Enjoy the video.
Kelly

New outlook on things...

Hey there,

While last year was crappy on so many levels, I have decided that this year will be much better.  I know darn well that it will take time but if I focus enough on the things that matter to me, it will make me a better person overall.

So with that being said. I have picked a few words to, hopefully, make me realize that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Here are the words that I want to focus on for the next, oh I dunno, 6 months or so:

Happy
Beautiful
Caring
and last but not least
Friendship

My goal is to post at least one thing about one of these words each week.  Am I a tad to hopeful? maybe. But if I don't focus on these things I'll end up right where I was this time last year - miserable. I don't want that for me or my kids.  We have had enough of that crap to last us a lifetime.

Will there be downer posts? most likely.  But if you read blogs on a regular basis - everyone has downer posts, it's life.  So, please be patient with me and I will be (working on it...) happy again..

In the meantime, enjoy this:

It's a pretty song and it's been helping me. 

Hugs
Kelly

First post for me in 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I know I'm a tad late with this but who really cares.

So Christmas is over, STBX is back at work (thank god!) and the kids are back at school/homeschool routines.  I'm going into this year with an open mind and hoping that 2012 is kinder to me than 2011 was.  My kids and I REALLY need things to calm down and return to some kind of normalcy (what ever the heck that is these days)

We are enjoying the lack of snow and cold here in Wisconsin. Which is VERY unusual for us.  By now, typically, we have tons of snow and it's really cold. But today, it's supposed to be in the upper 40's and close to 50 in some places around here today.  I swear, we are going to get hit and hit hard with snow and cold one of these days. But for now, I'll take what we are given. 

But part of me is still longing to be here:

This looks SO appealing to me. Sigh

Can you tell I'm wanting to go on a vacation??

Enjoy!

Kelly

Finally, the end of 2011 - My reflections

Hi guys,

Well here it is, the last Friday of 2011.  Where did the time go?  For some reason, this year went by really fast and not that I'm complaining or anything, it just went by fast.   The other night, when I couldn't sleep again, I was thinking about what went on during 2011 and I'm amazed at how much stuff went on.  For example:


January - We got a crap load of snow.  Not weird by Wisconsin standards, but none the less, we got snow.


Feb - I had to enroll Nichole ONE LAST TIME FOR HER SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. sigh..where did that time go??


March - Nathan turned 14 and Sam turned 11.  Again, where did those cute babies I brought home from the hospital go??  They are growing up so damn fast.  And yes Nathan towers over me now and Sam is not that far behind him... 


April, May and June - Can't remember much of those months.  I"m almost certain that things happened, but cannot remember for the life of me..


July - Renewed Nichole's temporary driving permit ONE LAST TIME!!   Found an old friend and became friends again after about 20 years of not seeing each other.  Best part of the year in my book!!! 


August - Paid for those High School fees for Nichole one last time and had her Senior Pictures taken. 


September - coming to grips and the reality that my marriage is over and starting the paperwork process to officially end it.   Nichole gets her driver's license on the first try (barely..haa haa)


October - Nichole turns 18!!!  I filed paperwork with the court system to end my marriage. 


November - Not much happening here.. 


December - No one in the house wants to celebrate Christmas due to all the personal issues going on. So we don't. No biggie in my book.  There will always be next year.


I do hope that 2012 brings better news for me and my kids.  I'll let you guys in on the journey as we take it. For those of you who still read this blog, I thank you so much.  It means a lot to me. 


Wishing you all a great start to the New Year.
Kelly

Christmas Eve 2011

So, I know I posted a downer of a blog post the other day and if you took offense to it, I'm sorry.  It's just not been a good year for me (both personally and financially).

Now, I know you guys in the South are used to having NO snow for Christmas but for us, up here, not so much.  Occasionally we will have the odd year where there is NO snow for Christmas and this is one of them.

So while we are supposed to have this stuff on the ground in December........we have this.......

Well, ok - maybe we don't have green grass but you get the general idea.  And yes, I saw a rabbit this morning.  Some of my plants (that should be dormant this time of year) are starting to peek out from the ground. 

Weird huh???  Yeah, I thought so too..

To those who read this blog, I do hope you have a nice holiday season.

Kelly

Christmas time huh?

So I've been seeing Christmas this and Christmas that since the middle of October.  And frankly I'm sick of seeing it.  This has been a very long and hellish year for me and my kids and I just want the new year to start already.

Christmas had always been my favorite holiday (besides Halloween esp. for the candy). My dad would go and get the fake tree from the attic space in the house one day and slowly over the next week or so, a Christmas tree would magically appear.  My parents and I would put up the ornaments and remember where we got them or who gave them (usually to me), etc.  I always got to open the Christmas cards that would show up in the mail, etc.  One year, my now 18 year old daughter, put the fake candy garland in her mouth.  It was funny...

I even got married right before Christmas, why? not sure..but I did. We kept on forgetting every year because of the holiday so we usually celebrated (if we did at all) in June. Do I recommend people get married RIGHT BEFORE Christmas? NO but it's really up to you.  If I had to do it over again, I would certainly pick a day in June or some NICE month. 

Over the years, babies were born, relatives passed away and so on.  My father-in-law passed away on December 15, 2002. So needless to say, that Christmas was weird.  It seemed like every Christmas season someone in the house was sick and I didn't go to the in-law Christmas. Which was fine, because I always feel out of place there. I don't know why, I just do. 

Then my dad passed away in 2003. Since then I haven't been able to fully enjoy any holiday, especially Christmas.  I don't know why I can't shake this but it is what it is.  This year is beyond strange. I filed for divorce, he's still living here, kids are confused beyond all belief, and I'm basically living in the finished basement (which I should not have to but I do)

Things just don't feel Christmas-y around here....

Not sure what to do.....

So, I went to my dermatologist the other day due to a skin infection that was not getting better on it's own. It still amazes me that now, after living with this disorder/disease for 40 years it's just within the past 5-10 years or so that these doctors KNOW what I have and the prognosis is still the same....none...sigh.


Anyways,  I get the common lecture of "have you tried this?  or that? and what were the effects of it?" .  But this doctor gave me a little bit of hope that I just might take him up on.


I was on a clinical drug trial for Accutane when I was 9 (yes you read that right) and this drug actually made me worse than I am.  Dry eyes, drier skin, etc.  Not fun.  And I swore that I would never ever go on anything Accutane related ever again.  Dr. Huang at Froedert Hospital made me think otherwise.  The drug Soritaine was brought up to me several years ago by a different doctor and they scared the crap out of me by listing everything conceivable that could go wrong and never really answered MY questions about it.  They were TOO excited to put me on this drug.  Needless to say, not only did I not go on this drug but I found a different doctor all together.  Hate doctors and practices like that.. Hate Hate Hate.


As I've been getting older, I'm finding out that my skin is actually MORE painful as the season change/weather fronts come and go, etc...Now I'm having a hard time doing the simple tasks of writing with a pen, holding on to a cup or glass with one hand (now I have to use both hands), grocery shopping is a joke - I usually have to bring Nathan with me.  Although he doesn't mind helping me, it's the fact that I need the help more often that is freaking me out.


So back to my dilemma.  Soritaine can make it possible for me to move my hands more freely, the gross skin on my feet could be less, etc.  The doctor said we could start on baby amounts and work up rather than starting at a HUGE dosage and trying to taper down to where it's beneficial.  And yes, there would be monthly vistis to the doctor's and lab work (nothing that I've haven't been through before and will go through for the rest of my life).  But the way I am now is the only way I've ever been, it's the only way I know how to do things. How does one go from being a certain way physically for 40 years and then have the possibility of have "nice" skin? How does one function with the"new" skin??  Is it even worth it at my age? I'm in no way saying that 40 is old. nope not at all....that last question was a weird one but it needed to be asked.


If you were me (not that I wish this disease on ANYONE) would you try a drug that could make your life easier or no?


Hugs
Kelly

The Climb....

And NO I'm not a Miley Cyrus fan AT ALL.  I was listening to the song on the radio, and the lyrics said something to me.  


It's doesn't matter what is on the other side of all this crap I'm going through - it's about the climb to get there and no matter how many times I may fail, I will get there.  It just takes time.

video from YouTube....


This is my inspirational (pop) song for the moment. Can you say, Kelly has this on replay on her Iphone?? hee hee.


Hugs,
Kelly

Monday? Again? Venting - ignore if you want,.

So it's Monday.  Frankly I cannot even remember what the heck I did over the damn weekend. Why? you ask.  Well, my weekend went something like this:


1. Weather changes in Wisconsin are horrible, thus.. Kelly lives on pain killers, anti-nausea meds and lots of sleep.

2. Kids are NO help during this time.  I'm lucky if I remind ONE of them to throw a load of towels in the machine.  Nichole was playing video games with her friend online...ALL WEEKEND! So needless to say, I couldn't even catch up with my DVR'd shows.  Sucks..:(

3. Sam was feeling awful again due to the weather changes.  I wish I can make him better, but I can't.  Sucks..:(

And I wonder why I feel awful this time of the year.  It's partly due to the fact that I have a hard time with the holidays and the other part is that THE SUN IS NOT OUT AS MUCH!!!!  If I could afford it, I would live someplace other than here during the winter months.....must. look. into. that.

Sorry for the vent.  I needed someplace to complain to....

It's Fall, I know but.....

 So back in August, when Nichole had her Senior Pictures taken at this fantastic park in Cedarburg right by the lake, I took this picture.  I loved the way the trees looked when I looked up.  It was one of those, "I have to capture this NOW" kinda moments.

 The other picture is obviously Lake Michigan but I like how the walking trail goes right along the bluff.  It was SO pretty ( a tad warmish but who cares).




 

How I wish it was still warm out and the trees were full of these beautiful leaves.  But nope, it's Fall and the trees barely have any leaves left on them, it's windy and getting colder by the minute here. Yuck!!

Pretty soon the snow will fly and we will be stuck in the house for what seems like FOREVER, because winters in Wisconsin last AT LEAST 6 months or so. I just hope we don't get a huge amount of snow this year.  I'm seriously thinking about moving to someplace warmer than this crap.  I'm SO done with Wisconsin winters.

Nichole - Senior Pics and other stuff....

Hi there,

While I've been NOT blogging a few things have happened in this house.

1.  Nichole turned 18 at the beginning of October.  She also had to order her cap/gown/tassel for graduation in June of 2012.  I cannot believe that I have an 18 year old now.  What happened to the cute little baby that I brought into this world 18 years ago?  If I would have known THEN that I would have raised such a responsible, independent girl, I would have told you that you were NUTS!!  I'm grateful for having her in my life.

2. The above pictures are a few from her Senior Picture shoot back in August.  I think they turned out wonderfully.  Since then, she has cut her hair short again but I'm glad she had the long hair for her pictures.  I cannot thank Ken Chartrau enough for his time and expertise with these pictures. 

There have been other changes in my life but I will not get into that right now.  It's still too raw to talk about.  But I will, eventually.

Enjoy the pictures!
Kelly

Ecommerce Position

Have you ever wondered how people get ideas for gifts, products to try, etc.? It's usually a recommendation from a tweet, post on Facebook or some other blog that you just might happen to stumble upon.  


Recently, I had to research a product out because the current product I was using stopped working.  Since I read my Twitter feed and Facebook feed on a regular basis, I found a wealth of information there.  The product I was researching out was a new body moisturizer because the current one I was using stopped working AND was discontinued. 


I got some GREAT recommendations for a cream called CeraVe. I had never heard of it but I thought I would give it a try.  Bought it and tried it. Worked beautifully!!! Great advice from those feeds...  I also try to recommend products, services, etc. to others not only because they are asking for suggestions but I found out that the more suggestions you have, the better the result will be.


Why would I be a good choice for this position?  I have experience in researching products before recommending them, I love to try products before recommending them and besides having the opinions of working people, the opinions of a stay at home parent are just as important..


http://vendio.com/

Ecommerce Writer

My life is boring...

Sorry for the delay in posting, too much crap has been going on and clearly not enough room to post what I want to post.  And to top it off, some of it is too personal and only a chosen few know what in the world is going on with me.  I'm sure in time I will talk about it but for right now I cannot. So with that being said, I thought I would post this:

Clearly I'm still a HUGE Rick Springfield fan despite what other people think.  


Enjoy
Kelly

Where were you?

Well, today is the 10th anniversary of the attacks on America.  Do you remember where you were and what you were doing?  I sure do.

I was getting my then 7 year old daughter, Nichole and 4 year old son, Nathan ready for the bus.  We had MSNBC on (like we did every morning nothing unusual) and Sam who was 18 months old at the time was eating cereal of some sort.  Typical day, beautiful outside and I had plans of taking Sam for a walk later in the day.

While I was waiting for the bus to get the 2 older kids, I happened to glance up at the TV just as the 2nd plane hit the World Trade Center.  I was hoping that neither kid saw it (much to my dismay, Nathan had.  That's a whole other topic of discussion for a later time) they got on the bus and off they went.  Hubs went to work and reminded me of something - cannot remember for the life of me and it really doesn't matter.  After everyone left, I sat there in horror at the events that were unfolding on TV.

It took everything I had to just do the daily things that we take for granted every day.  I was thinking about all of my TRUE friends (past and present) and wondering how they were feeling.  I even got an unexpected phone call from my friend Tracie in England wondering how I was doing.  I reassured her that I was NO where near New York and Washington DC and we chatted for a little bit.  Some how we both didn't care how much the call was costing us, we were grateful for our friendship at that moment.

Do I feel safer at this particular time? Not sure.  But I do not take anything for granted any longer.  I've realized friends/family come and go in your life, and even some people from your past (long ago) come back into your life and make it that much more enjoyable.

For those of you who read my blog on any kind of regular basis, I thank you so much.  And for those who know me personally, in real life, you guys mean the world to me.

Kelly